For decades, food safety was a Democratic talking point. Now deep-red Florida is actually doing something about it— and what they found could spoil your breakfast. Yesterday, Lake Worth CBS affiliate 12-News reported, “Florida testing finds high levels of Roundup weed killer in several popular bread brands.” In case you missed the advisory, you’re not even supposed to touch Roundup. No swallowing.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, First Lady Casey DeSantis, and Florida Surgeon General Dr. Joseph Ladapo appeared together yesterday at Palm Beach State College, unveiling the latest findings from Florida’s new food-testing initiative. They found that several widely sold bread brands contain high levels of glyphosate, the active ingredient in the popular weed-killer and lawsuit defendant Roundup.

It’s great news! Your morning toast is practically bursting with Roundup, the same product you use to kill weeds in your driveway. I’m sure it will be fine. After all, the FDA has long called these levels “within tolerance,” which is regulatory diction for “we haven’t done a real study since 1982, when the country’s most pressing health concern was whether Orange Julius used real oranges.”

According to Florida’s investigators, Nature’s Own Butterbread —I am not making this up— contains a weed killer in the bread you’re feeding your children for lunch. Nature’s Own— because nothing says ‘natural’ like a patented herbicide developed in a Monsanto lab.

Maybe they should rename it “Monsanto’s Own.” Or how about, “Chemical Valley Bread: Now With That Fresh Herbicide Taste.”

For decades, anyone who questioned what Big Ag was putting in our food was labeled a tinfoil hat-wearing “conspiracy theorist.” And —this is the real mind-bender— food safety was exclusively the province of Democrats, who constantly complained but never seemed to accomplish anything.

Now, deep-red Florida’s doing the testing the federal government should have been doing all along, and —surprise!— your super-healthy whole wheat bread is marinated in neurotoxic carcinogens. The same agencies that assured us the covid vaccine was “safe and effective” have also been assuring us that eating Roundup with peanut butter and jelly is totally fine.

Only some brands tested positive for the weedkiller, including Nature’s Own Butter Bread (mentioned above), Nature’s Own Perfectly Crafted White, and Sara Lee Honey Wheat. Wonder Bread Classic White tested positive, which finally explains the ‘wonder’—as in, ‘I wonder what’s killing me?’ Other breads, like Sara Lee Artesano White and Pepperidge Farm Farmhouse White, had no detectable glyphosate. Dave’s Killer Bread tested positive but lower than other brands.

Florida is outing bad foods on its new food safety website, exposingfoodtoxins.com. It’s using the name-it-and-shame-it method, since nearly all these chemicals are within “safety limits” as defined by the FDA. Folks can check the website and figure out what not to buy.

The RoundupGate announcement followed two previous blockbusters this month. One found arsenic in many popular children’s candies, because pre-loading the poison makes it more convenient for Halloween serial killers. (The National Confectioners Association claimed the arsenic was naturally occurring, which doesn’t help explain why only some brands have it.) Another Florida investigation found arsenic, cadmium, lead, mercury, and pesticides in various brands of baby formula. Some had both lead and mercury!

Other brands, like Holle Organic, came out clearly. Buyer beware.

“There are obviously a lot of issues with whatever is sold in a supermarket,” Governor DeSantis explained. “You have some that are very fresh and natural. Others may not be as much.” What he carefully didn’t say —avoiding lawsuits but clearly implying— is that the FDA could have and should have required food labeling for levels of glyphosate, lead, cadmium, mercury, pesticides, and so on. I’ll let you speculate on why those aren’t mandatory label disclosures.

DeSantis was saying, " Fine, if the FDA won’t, we’ll disclose the levels of food poisons. Well, with arsenic in the candy, lead in the formula, and Roundup in the bread— at least they’re being thorough.

Florida —the reddest of red states— is finally doing something easy and practical that the Democrats could have done at any time, but never did. Just test the products and inform consumers. It’s so simple. No regulatory overhead, no politics, no NGOs— just give people the information and let us decide for ourselves, which, admittedly, progressives consider even more dangerous than feeding us mercury and weed-killer.

Meanwhile, Democrats have finally crept out of Big Ag’s pocket into the open and are actually defending unlabeled contaminants in foods. Conservatives are now the clean-food party. Liberals are defending weed-killer in bread. If you’d told me that in 2019, I’d have asked what herbicide you were smoking. How the party of Big Macs became the party of food safety, while the party of organic kale started defending arsenic, is a flip historians will be unpacking for generations.