BREAKING: Punxsutawney Phil has officially been transferred to Texas supervision… and let’s just say, Texas is not impressed.
After weeks of fake “cold fronts,” random heat spikes, and that one chilly morning that had everyone acting like winter showed up for real, Phil has been ordered to report in and explain himself.
Sources say he showed up in full orange sweats, ankle monitor blinking, already sweating before he even sat down.
Inside the office, things got real very fast.
The officer laid it out simply:
No more “six more weeks of winter.”
No more shadow-based decisions.
And absolutely no messing with a state that can go from clear skies… to a full-blown storm… to dry heat again… all in the same afternoon.
Phil allegedly tried the classic defense:
“I’m just doing my job.”
Texas wasn’t buying it.
Residents are still recovering from:
• “Cold fronts” that disappear by noon
• Heat that shows up early and stays late
• Sudden storms that roll in like they ...