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LoneRangerTX@LoneRangerTX
7 hours ago
Born in 1832
Jonathan the tortoise turned 193 today. Yes… 193. This dude is literally the oldest living land animal. He survived two world wars, outlived 40 U.S. presidents, 8 British monarchs, and probably watched more drama on Earth than all of us combined.
He can’t see or smell anymore, but he still recognizes his caretakers just by voice and touch like a wise old gangster. Think about this: Jonathan was alive before the lightbulb existed… and there is a high chance he might still be here AFTER some of us are gone. Happy birthday, legend... keep confusing time, history, and all of us… and may you live many more years!
Inspired by Jonathan’s incredible journey? Stay tuned for more amazing animal stories and life lessons. Follow our blog for heartwarming tales from the animal kingdom!
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President Trump comin in H🔥T!!!
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This is Magnificent!
KENNEDY READS ZOHRAN KWAME MAMDANI’S ENTIRE TRUST-FUND MANIFESTO ON FOX PRIMETIME – THEN SAYS “GO CASH DADDY’S CHECK FIRST, JUNIOR”
Sean Hannity thought he was just tossing Kennedy a softball about “defund the police.”
Zohran Mamdani jumped in from split-screen, sneering:
“Senator Kennedy is a fossil who needs to do his homework on abolition. Maybe start by paying reparations with his oil money.”
Kennedy didn’t speak for four full seconds.
He just reached under the desk, pulled out a gold-embossed folder labeled “ZOH-RENT,” and started reading like he was calling hogs:
“Zohran Kwame Mamdani
Born: $28 million trust fund, Upper West Side
High school: Dalton, $61k/year
College: Bowdoin, full ride named after a slave trader
Rent: $0 – mommy pays the $14k/month Tribeca loft
Security: two off-duty NYPD (the same police he wants abolished) outside his door 24/7
Carbon footprint: 47 private jets in 2024 while lecturing subway riders about climate
Latest bill: ban gas stoves – introduced from...
